10) Rita - Besides being hot, in an extra crispy sort of way. Also, she picks the starting offensive linemen out of a hat before every game. It's the only fair way to do it!
9) Excitement, Excitement, Excitement! Who else can make sure Blue fans are on the edge of their seats ALL the way through a mid-season, home, MAC game?? Only R^2, which is why RRR!
8) Marketing - Look at how man shirts Notre Dame sells every 3 years when they "Return To Glory" and how much coverage 'Bama gets when they're able to put together a half way successful season twice a decade. RR will make sure we get that same coverage by alternating mind blowing failure with mediocratiy, at a level that not even the Big 10 can gaurunteee. Plus, if it's a big deal to miss one bowl game... imagine the head lines when we miss our 3rd or 4th. The man is a GENIUS!! RRR!
7) Tyrell Pryor may be a one man offensive armory, but he's a bit more lippy than we like our freshmen! Besides, think of how many carries he'd be taking from ULTRAMCGUFFIEMANBOYPIG.
6) He's a very generous man - Knowing that Joe Pa's days are numbered, he made sure to play Threet quaterback virtually ensuring that the old guy would see his Lions beat Blue one last time... I'm sure when they produce the "JOE-PA Story" RR will be given a role similar to the janitor in Rudy... or the drunk in Hoosiers.
5) Instant Motivators - By allowing all of our yearly rivals to beat us, RR has a stockpile of motivational speeches for next year!!!!! Just think how pumped everyone will be when RR makes everyone do 14 push-ups every day all summer as a reminded of how many points it would have taken to beat Toledo... INTENSE!!! RRR!!!!
4) Weeding out the weaklings - anyone who isn't dedicated to being a Michigan MAN will be gone at the end of the season, leaving us with only the 14 or 15 most dedicated or least transferable players. Let me remind you we only need 11 to field a team, which leaves a full 3 or 4 man reserve roster, full to the brim with players that BLEED maize and blue.
3) Recruiting - he's a shoe in to pull a GREAT class. I mean litterally, any kid starting on a varsity team anywhere in the country right now would be an improvement at quaterback. Literally anyone. No other coach can walk into a prospect's home and tell them that they "Are the man we want to start next year, because no matter who you are, you are most likely better than the person we have starting at your position right now" with a straight face quite like RR can.
2) It's not RR, it's Adidas - Seriously, the jersey's don't breathe right and they're kind of slippery. Once we get that figured out we'll be like... 13 - 0 or something. So just leave RR alone. RichRodRox!!!
1) HE BEAT WISCONSIN!!!! And, we could totally start a rivalry with them once OSU, ND, MSU and Toledo laugh us off their schedules. Yeah!! RRR!!!